TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
