please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
