Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
