while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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