dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
