It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
