Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize