Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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