she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
