so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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