walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
