i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
