There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
