Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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