I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
