these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
