Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
