I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
