thus making me awesome and them whores
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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