Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
