at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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