i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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