Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
