Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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