My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
last night I used snow as a chaser
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
