dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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