I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
