I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
