My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
