I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
