barbara walters just said penis...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
