just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
