toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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