Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
