walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
false alarm, still single
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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