I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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