the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My vagina just clenched in fear
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
