DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
