Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
