I cockslap morals
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and she was petting her beer can
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
