Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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