I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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