you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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