Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize