i barfeds in our rink
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
