I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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