I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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