I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
