What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
