i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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