My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He called his prostate his "boner button".
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Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
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I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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