I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
