Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
