Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
