My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize