I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
