they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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