i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
