omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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