Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
